Opinion: Wanted: anti-conspiracy theory vaccine

PUBLISHED: 08:30 19 April 2020

Mash Report's Steve Allen has been reading conspiracy theories on coronavirus.

Mash Report's Steve Allen has been reading conspiracy theories on coronavirus.

Steve Allen

How are you keeping entertained during the lockdown? I’m hoping you have just shouted “By reading some excellent newspaper columns, Steve” but I won’t hold my breath.

I’ve been enjoying the new conspiracy theories. I love a good conspiracy at the best of times. One of my favourites is the Flat Earth theory that tells us there’s no such place as Australia, which would mean the TV show Neighbours was part of an elaborate misinformation plot.

I normally enjoy reading some of the things the anti-vaxxers say but they have been oddly quiet since Covid-19 cropped up. There are many conspiracy theories about coronavirus though. One says it was created in a laboratory in China. Why would someone do that? A form of biological warfare? If so, it’s not very good. If you created a weapon that has a fatality rate of two percent your boss would be furious.

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Maybe he’d give you a second chance and ask, “The two percent it targets, is it the strongest and youngest who would be hardest to fight in a war?” And then you’d be fired.

Another theory is that it’s caused by 5G radiation from mobile telephony masts. Why would a mobile network want to create something that means we all stay indoors? I haven’t used my landline this much since the ’90s.

Why can’t people listen to the science without trying to find some false take that doesn’t make sense? A professor of virology surely knows more than some mate on WhatsApp, yet conspiracy theories are faster than the virus when it comes to spreading around the globe.

Or spreading flatly over the disc, if you’re a Flat Earther.

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