Opinion: Are we about to run out of toilet paper?

PUBLISHED: 08:30 15 March 2020

Steve Allen suggests using his books as an alternative to toilet paper during coronavirus stockpiling.

Steve Allen suggests using his books as an alternative to toilet paper during coronavirus stockpiling.

Steve Allen

In the face of a crisis we should help one another rather than selfishly panic buy.

COVID-19 is a genuine worry but panic only ever makes things worse.

People are panic-buying so much toilet paper the UK could be facing a shortage. There is no problem that isn't made worse by the lack of toilet paper when you need it.

We're not the only nation to face the terrifying prospect of the disappointing penguin waddle to the cupboard.

Australia has already seen shelves stripped bare of two-ply. Even though there's no reason to think they'd run out as most of their supplies are made locally in the country.

It happened in Hong Kong too where there were reports of armed robbers taking toilet rolls.

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A scary ordeal to go through but no point getting too scared because you don't have any loo roll any more.

Will we have to see security tagged Charmin? Andrex with dye packs installed so if the robbers try to open the package they become traceable? Izal toilet paper already is traceable, in that you can use it to trace pictures more successfully than use it for its intended purpose.

I don't know how these panic buyers do it.

I feel very self-conscious if I buy too many toilet rolls at once like I have to explain the purchase.

I once went to the corner shop and bought milk and a nine-pack and I had to fight the urge to say, 'Lactose intolerance,' as I handed over the money.

Some toilet rolls are selling online for hundreds of dollars. This is where I can help. You can get my paperback books online for a couple of quid. Use those. It'll save you money and I'll move up the Amazon charts.

I don't mind, I have had worse reviews.

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